(This is a joke.)

Dear Atheist,

If I become an atheist, will my dog not be able to get into doggy heaven?

Or is his situation different from my eventual oblivion? 

I love my dog.

Signed,  

   Worried in Wormleysburg

Dear Friendly and Most Wise Atheist,

I'm impressed by the FSM, as any mortal would be, but I find that I favor the Flying Pink Unicorn as a metaphor (or is it an allegory?) for a divine being.   I like the pink one because pink is a girly color, mostly.   Also, the mane and tail can be braided and adorned with flowers.  I like the soft eye-lashes and gentle muzzle hairiness.  

I also think that the FSM's Pirate emphasis is a little too masculine.   There seems to be no balancing feminine element.

Atheist, do you think I'm being unfair to the FSM?   I just want a more feminine metaphor, but I don't want to be, like, rude or some kind of a dumb-ass.  Does the FSM have some pink or other girly colors, or girly parts like a tail, a mane, a delicate foot, or a lovely figure,  which could be adorned or braided or otherwise be shod, dressed, or manipulated?    Are the noodly appendages like unto hair?   Could you imaging mascara on the eye-stalk structures?  Is it desecration to speak of this?

Please don't tell the other atheists that I'm in this quandry because they will think I'm weird.

Sincere thanks,  Torn in Hampden Township